Perspective

I realized after I posted my seriously depressing and sad blog yesterday that the name of my blog is about a sweet world. It's not about a dark and dreary place. It's a happy place where I have so much to be grateful for. I am going to do my best at focusing on everything that I have been blessed with. God has given me a good life - a great life!

My parents are amazing and supportive and caring. They are constanting telling me how proud they are of me and how much they love me. They are there for me through everything. I am so lucky!

I have a good job that challenges me daily. I work with good people who are fun and interesting.

I have a beautiful home.

I live with my best friend. And I am challenged daily by her two adorable toddlers who remind me of the simple things in life. And a 3 year old who is wise beyond his years.

I travel across the world.

I have great friends.

I am lucky. I live in a sweet world. And it's about time I started realizing that.

Missing you...

All weekend every time my cell phone dinged with a new text message, I hoped it was from you...something, anything. But it never was you. You're listening to what I said to you. But I don't want you to. I want you to let me know that you love me the most. I suppose that's just not the case, though. You're listening to me and it hurts like hell. I'm so sad I'm almost in tears. I guess that's why it never worked before; I couldn't imagine this pain and I didn't want this pain. I wanted you no matter what. I have to be strong, but right now I just want to be weak...

Damn you. Damn me. Why did I let this happen?

Trying again...

It never works. But it IS going to work this time. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to say no.

It took me two years to break up with my ex-boyfriend. I kept talking to him even though we were both miserable. Then finally one day he didn't return my phone call. And I didn't call him back the next day. Or the next. Or a week later. And then finally it was months. And now it's been years. And it's finally over. Because we stopped communicating. That's the only way it works. Emotions are too strong to get confused by talking. And talking is never as simple as talking.

So I'm stopping the communication. Even though I wait for the text, the call, the email...I wait because I still WANT to hear from you.

But I have to be strong. I have to be. Damn.