Want to

I want to think differently. I want my opinion to change. I want to use logic and not emotion. I want it to be easy not so damn hard. I want to listen to the people who care the most about me, who know me the best. I want to let go. I want to be free.

Is wanting to change my thinking enough to change my actions? Can I talk myself into changing, even if I’m struggling with the desire to do so? Why do I think that if I do change – even knowing that it’s the logical, practical thing to do – I’ll be crushed? That I’ll never find what it was I thought I had already found, falsely perhaps, again. Why I am tricking myself into believing that my situation is OK? Why do I not think that karma is going to come around and kick my ass to the curb so fast I won’t know what hit me?

And why did I even let myself get here in the first place? Why didn’t I just stop and say what in the world are you thinking???? There is NO good that could have come out of this…I know that. Logical me knows that so well. Emotional me is hooked.

Step 1. I want to change. Let’s see how long it takes to make it to Step 2.