Guilty

I feel guilty.

A girl I went to high school with – we weren’t friends and I can’t really even remember any interactions with her, honestly – is struggling financially now. I know that she’s struggling because she chronicles it via Facebook many times a day. Last week she posted that she couldn’t pay her $40/night hotel any longer and she and her two middle school aged daughters were about to be homeless. And that just hit me. Hard. I mean she has two jobs and still can’t afford to get by. My biggest struggle is how many times a week should I let myself eat out…not because of financial concerns, but my waistline. I mean, why did I get so lucky? Why did I get parents who saved for me to go to college, who helped me buy a house, who are there for me whenever I need them? I feel guilty. But I shouldn’t right? I should be proud of myself for taking the gifts that I was given and making something of myself. For actually going to college and getting a degree so I could get a good job. For saving and not spending everything. For trying to better myself.

But I still feel guilty. So I sent the girl from high school money. And she keeps thanking her friends but I don’t think about her as my friend. I just feel guilty. I bought a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes with part of my bonus and she can’t afford $216/week for a hotel room. So that makes me feel bad.

I have a friend who works much more closely with people in lower economic status than me who tells me not to feel so guilty. That there are programs out there for people. That she should go to any number of agencies and they can help her. I just need to get tougher skin, right? Stop feeling guilty for working hard and going to college and being successful. I’m going to work on that.